Initiating Change

How do we initiate change in our lives and make it permanent?

I think one of the first and most important things a person can do to foster change within themselves is to be open to it. Change is hard, and let's face it, sometimes we just can't be bothered. The incessant drudge of everyday reality can beat us down and make us feel unimportant and misunderstood. Sometimes we stick our heads in the proverbial sand and forget that our life, our reality, is what we choose to make of it.

Life can be beautiful if you choose it to be so.

I believe perspective is the key to seeing one's life as amazingly great, just about tolerable or downright awful. I get that this is a controversial take, being that there are so many people suffering in the world. Sometimes circumstances are so dire that a mere change in perspective does not help or seems hopeless. Depression settles in, and it makes true change very difficult. In my 50 years, I have settled into depression and apathy more times than I can count. Each time I fall into that hole, it gets harder to climb out again. Some days I have felt my life was hopeless, riddled with anxiety, self-doubt and ruminating far too much on past hurt and trauma. Having negative thoughts like this made me feel sad and guilty, knowing that there are so many more people out there that have it a lot worse than I do. However, trying on a new perspective also meant that I could understand that the world is a crappy place sometimes, and the first step for me was to change how I looked at my own life. I needed to focus on myself first and get myself right before trying to help anyone else.

All of my life, I have wondered what it is about my life that I could call meaningful; I kept asking myself, why am I here, and for many years that answer eluded me. For years, for hours at a time, I have searched my heart and soul, trying to work out the reason for my current incarnation on this planet. I knew what my passions were, the things that brought me joy, but, as was my modus operandi for a long time, thinking about pursuing a career within those confines always triggered self-doubt and insecurity. I have never been able to express myself clearly in spoken words. I have always struggled with writing about myself, especially to give any kind of perspective about works I have created. I spent a very large chunk of my college career in the study of Fine Arts. If any of you have ever taken any courses in fine arts, particularly the ones in which you create art, then you know that writing artist statements and writing/speaking about your work is a mandatory part of this process. This was a nightmare for me because I am an introvert who is quite happy to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. Having to stand up in front of the class to give any kind of presentation or speak about my work was very hard, but at the same time, it forced me to step out of my comfort zone. This has proven to have been a valuable lesson over the years because it forced me to embrace that part of myself that knew I could do it, with the impetus to try and use this in my normal day-to-day life. However, I suck at this. A lot. I fail all the time and often still feel misunderstood sometimes, but the important thing is this: Never stop trying.

I genuinely believe it is possible to foster change within oneself, but we have to want it. So, I committed to it and myself. It helps to wake up every day with a commitment to myself and to others, to try to be a better, kinder and more compassionate person. I see every day as another opportunity to wake up and put forth the effort to make my life into the one I want to see. It has taken self-introspection and lots of work on my unconscious self and biases. It was so hard to face the truth about myself, too, and I found myself wanting to give up because I didn't like what I saw when I took a good hard look at myself. As I looked at my fears (and also the persistent feeling of despondency that arose when I saw myself and judged so harshly), I found the reason why I felt this way: I lacked a purpose. We all need a reason to want to change; for many of us, it is to give our lives meaning; to find our purpose in this world.

Find your passion, whatever it is that brings you joy. Therein you will find your purpose.

That purpose for me was to rediscover my passions, further develop my artistic abilities, and use my creativity to try and make this world a better place. This kind of commitment is hard for a sensitive person like me because I am anxious about being critiqued for my words and artistic works. Despite these ever-lingering negative thought patterns, I committed to putting myself and my work out there and doing whatever it took to turn it into something that could help others and hopefully make a living. I know it will take focus, determination and a lot of hard work, but I accept that and welcome it. Having all of my thoughts focused on turning my life into a passionate pursuit of art and creative writing has helped quiet those negative thought patterns. I put all of my energy into this pursuit, and whenever I am at my job, doing little stuff around the house, or exercising, I use that time to pray, manifest my dreams and think about plans for my future. I take all the necessary steps, one step at a time, and focus on that step until it is done, to further my dream of being a working artist and writer. I think about it so much that negative thought patterns have little to no room in my mind anymore.

So, while initiating change can be fraught with setbacks, I believe it can be done with determination and dedication to seeing it happen. Finding your purpose could be a catalyst to help you want to see that change happen in your life. I truly believe everyone chose to come here to Earth with a specific purpose in mind, a decision forged by our consciousness before we were born into our current incarnation. This decision is the foundation of our hopes and dreams and what we hope to accomplish with our time here. I believe we all can find our purpose, whatever that may be. Some find their purpose early in life, while others don't find it until later in life. Some don't find it at all in this incarnation, and that's okay, too. The journey to your purpose is yours alone, and whether it takes a short time or a long time doesn't matter. It will find you eventually. All you have to do is stop and listen.

All images © 2002–2023 Cherie E. Jones

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