Emotional Intelligence

Practical tips to help relieve out-of-control emotions.

According to Oxford Languages, emotional intelligence is defined as:

‘the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.’

Most of us agree that dealing with emotions can be tricky, and sometimes it can be downright difficult. The more challenging emotions, such as anger, deep sadness, rage, grief and fear, can be unbearable and can completely consume us. Even love, which is an emotion most of us can get on board with, can turn obsessive, twisting itself into something that can’t be defined as love anymore. Some of us have emotional disorders that can skew emotions, make them so big and unwieldy that they can bring us into a state of withdrawal, isolation, and despair that can end in very unfortunate outcomes. For those of us with emotional disorders, therapy and medication are often the best resource, but there are some ways we can try to make it a little bit easier on ourselves in the day-to-day process of trying to live a better life. So, what are some practices we can take on to help deal with those mountainous emotions when they are too much for us to handle?

We need to find ways to deal with difficult emotions, so they don’t hurt others.

1. Take a breather

Let’s face it, we all need a breather sometimes. Time out, to just be with ourselves, to take some deep breaths and try to figure out what exactly it is that is causing us so much emotional furore. Sometimes we know the answer to that question, so we need to work out how we can solve the problem that is causing our emotions to spiral out of control. Take a walk, be in nature and notice the beauty that surrounds us. We can sit back in a comfy chair or lie down with our earbuds in and listen to our favourite music. However we choose to take a breather, the important thing is to take time for ourselves to calm down, preferably without distractions.

2. Meditate

Right, so meditation isn’t always for everyone, but it is a great way to relax the mind and body. The most difficult thing for me about meditation was trying so hard to get my mind to quiet while I attempted to meditate. The trick is: ignore it. Let the chatter float by like a river of unintelligible words. There is a part of us, our consciousness, that transcends the constant chatter of our minds. It is the part of us that can focus, the part of us that is awestruck when we see something awe-inspiring and beautiful, or the part of us that vibrates higher when we listen to our favourite kind of music. Try to remember that space, that feeling of pure joy and contentment, and if you can grasp onto it, hold on to it for as long as you can. It may be fleeting at first, but keep practising, and it will get easier over time. Another way to meditate that can be quite helpful is through guided meditation. This is a simpler way to do it because it gives us something to focus on and helps to quiet the mind for us. We can also choose to have a focused meditation, such as praying or manifesting, where we focus on our hopes and dreams, our heart’s desire for our lives to be the way we envision them to be.

3. Healthy release of emotions

I have found that one of the best ways to release emotions is through intense physical exercise, especially when you are dealing with rage or anger. Find an indestructible, inanimate object to take your emotions out on instead of turning them on to others. A punching bag works great, but a giant Weeble Wobble is even better, insert some humour in there to make yourself laugh! Laughing is a great way to disperse unruly emotions. Go to the gym and do an intense aerobic workout, get on the bike or rowing machine and just go for it. By doing this, not only are we expelling excess emotion, but we are also improving our physical and mental health, which goes a long way toward helping us to control our emotions. The better we feel about ourselves mentally and physically will give us the confidence to deal with our emotions more healthily.

4. Leave the self-deprecation behind

This is something a lot of us are guilty of. Self-deprecating behaviour can be extremely harmful to our mental health, and it can cause an emotional spiral downward like no other. The worse we feel about ourselves, the harder we find it to control our emotional state. We are human, and humans have faults. We make mistakes, and that’s okay. Let’s give ourselves room to mess up sometimes. Life is so much more difficult when we are constantly telling ourselves how horrible we are when we make mistakes or say something we shouldn’t have, or do something we knew wasn’t right at the time. The key here is, and this is important, own up to it. Please take responsibility for what you’ve done and do your best to make amends for it instead of berating yourself and doing nothing to make it right. You will feel so much better about yourself when you take responsibility and make amends for your negative words and actions.

5. Find your passion

This is the fun part. Find that thing you love doing, and get stuck into it. Whether it be athletics, crafting, art, gaming, solving complex mathematic equations, writing, or making music, whatever it is, just do it! If it gives you joy, if it stokes your passion like nothing else, have fun with it. There is something about mindful action, doing the things we are passionate about, that helps us get in touch with our deeper selves, our unconscious selves. It is a soothing, healing balm for our minds, hearts and spirits. Doing what we love is always a fulfilling way to help calm our emotions because it gives us that all-important time to shine and do what we are good at. Life should not always be about work, making money, or obsessing over likes on social media; these things are fine, but letting them consume our whole lives to the detriment of ourselves and our loved ones is not a life. It is just existing. We need passion, the things we love doing, to feed our hearts and spirits; it creates balance in our lives and makes us much happier and more fulfilled.

Find that peace within yourself by practising emotional intelligence every day.

Once we have a healthy routine of dealing with our emotions in a mindful and levelheaded way, we can achieve emotional intelligence. This is better for ourselves, our loved ones, and the world at large because it promotes a sense of confidence, kindness and well-being that can be very inspiring to others. Is world peace achievable? I don’t know, but what I do know is that each of us has a choice to do our little bit every day to make the world a better, happier place to be in, and that is where it starts. With ourselves. If each of us makes that commitment to better ourselves, to practice emotional intelligence every day, and to live selflessly and with kindness, then maybe someday we can foster that sense of peace and loving kindness all over the world. Each of us has the ability; it’s up to us to choose hope every day.

All images © 2002–2023 Cherie E. Jones

Be the change you want to see in the world.

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